Here are a few excerpts from a recent interview I did for Fox Business News:
Stuart Varney: Tell me, Jack, where have you really been? As one of the country's foremost businessmen, it seems only fair that you let us in on what you've really been doing.
Me: Well, Stu, it really comes down to 3 things: Moving, a new baby sister, and a secretarial leave of absence. I wish I could tell you I was doing something tabloid-worthy like Tiger, but I haven't even been to Countryside Kennels, let alone Vegas.
SV: You moved? So, where did you move to?
Me: I dunno.
SV: You don't know?
Me: No, I was...um...in the middle of a siesta and woke up in a new place. That's about all I remember.
SV: Well, what about this new baby sister. Surely you remember her.
Me: Oh yeah, yeah. She's fun. I like her. She smells interesting and lets me lick the fuzz balls off her hands. Way back when, I was convinced we were getting a puppy. Turns out, it was really her. I like her, but I wish someone had told me it was a human coming and not a puppy. I was stoked for the extra rawhides. She didn't come with rawhides. This is her:
SV: Well, that just about wraps up our time. Thanks for joining us.
Me: Thanks for having me, Stu.
There's a pretty high probability that this interview didn't actually take place with Stuart Varney. Or on Fox Business News. Or, well, at all. ahem